The toughest part about being an introverted creative type is the need to have a “day job” to support myself when I would much rather be writing.
It’s hard to come to terms with and I’m sure there are others who can agree that it is not at all fun. But the truth is, it’s hard to make money off of creativity and we often need to bite the bullet and deal with working a position that holds us back. Working 9 – 5 (or 8 – 4 like myself) can make for a really long day and if you’re staring at the computer all day, it can be hard to be creative and write or draw or edit photos on the computer once you make it home. It’s draining and disappointing.
Yes, I have been able to read a lot over the last few weeks, but I find myself drowning in books because I’m so mentally exhausted, I can’t focus on writing my own. Trying to find a job that is less taxing is also a challenge in itself because it, too, requires logging more long hours on a computer searching and applying over and over again until you’re truly lost track of how many times you’ve done it. It can get to feeling hopeless and frustrating to the point where not only are you mentally exhausted, but you’re emotionally exhausted too. And all of this doesn’t even begin to account for energy lost if you’re also mentally ill and therefore possibly struggling against yet another force (hurray for depressive episodes, right guys?).
I guess the trick is to just keep trying and just keep moving forward. We don’t all have the luxury of leaving a position because we feel like it or because it’s not a good fit. Some of us have to make it work to pay rent and bills and buy groceries. Some of us don’t have a choice but to keep pushing forward and keep trying to find something that suits us better.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t give up?
Yes I would rather be at home working on writing that I might get paid for. Or reading books to complete reviews for the author’s who I know appreciate them. But neither of those things will pay my phone bill so here I am pushing through and doing my best until the day comes where I am able to write for a living.
My goal for myself is to at least write a hundred words a night. That’s it. Because if I can keep writing, maybe I can break through the mind-numbing exhaustion a person such as myself deals with when I am not able to be creative in my work environment.